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| Author: |
ksbubbs |
| Blog URL: |
http://www.flourishmagazine.com/networking/blogs/ksbubbs
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| Description: |
I should tell a little bit about how I got here. Last October, what I thought was a usual sinus infection turned into respiratory infection that turned into a cold...then was diagnosed as bronchitis, and then asymptomatic pneumonia…was actually congestive heart failure. The emergency room doctor said he almost sent me home because he initially couldn’t find anything wrong…until I started wheezing and couldn’t breathe right in front of him. After some time at Olathe Med, eventually, I was sent to KU Med and the center for advanced heart care where I had a quadruple bypass and a mitral valve repair. It’s been almost a year ago and I’m still in a state of shock that this happened to me and that I was that close to death. I didn't know that I was that sick.
I'm getting ready to start week 3 with BetterU. As far as eating better, I already do (or don't do) a lot of the suggested things. I don't add extra salt to my food and I don't add salt when I'm cooking. I see people just pour on the salt sometimes. I like to eat a lot of fresh fruit and veggies. I made my favorite pasta salad the other day. It has lots of veggies: broccoli, carrots, califlower, artichoke hearts, mushrooms, tomatoes. The exercise part, well, that I'm having problems with fitting in. I do a lot of walking around at Walmart though. I'm wondering if that counts as exercise or not?
Last Saturday I volunteered at the KC Festival of Food and Wine. Very fun...although the toes and the feet didn't think so that much. I handed out lots of red dress pins and talked about my experience with heart disease. It was funny though, everytime I would tell someone that 1 out of every 3 women will die from heart disease, (which I still think is a shocking statistic) the overhead announcer would say the same thing. I even handed out red pins to the guys and told them that they could wear them on their lapels. Hey, the guys on All My Children wore then in March when they promoted Go Red on their show...and my cardiologists wear them on their doctor coat lapels. I guess they're called doctor coats. I don't know. Anyways, I'm learning more facts and statistics about heart disease through Better U. Oh, and I got my new Go Red shirt today. They ship really fast. I'll wear the shirt for the Girls Night Out night at the K. Anyways, time to go catch up with BetterU. Laters..... |
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 Well...I'm behind on Better U again. I'm actually glad that it's getting to the end. I shouldn't say that exactly...but what's going on for me is so much better!!!
I've got the confirmation email and the confirmation calls that I've got the job!!! I don't think anyone really knows how much good news this is for me. For the past year, everything's been so mixed up, blown up, out of order...I had lost my focus, my purpose, my reasons for being the way I was before the heart stuff. Alright, I'm sounding like a drama queen. Whatever. This is very dramatic, and why should I be making excuses for that?! Everything that happened last year was dramatic...and then some. I know a lot of people were wanting me to jump back and return to what was before. That may sound easy to do in theory. It isn't. I'm applying for jobs thinking in the back of my head that I'm not so sure I can remember how to do these things. I'm still challenged by the memory thing. Is that going to jump in later and be worse?
And then there's the new/not so new job. It's good and not so good that I know what to expect out of it. Same building...same amount of walking around...which is actually good for me. I won't have the shortness of breath this time. I might have to race myself up those stairs on a lunch break on my first day. I know the dress code, I know a large amount of the rules. I know a few had changed while I was gone. But I'm afraid of other things too. I'm afraid that when I get there, there'll be the manager shoo'ing me out the door like she did last time. I know in the back of my mind, that shouldn't happen...but you never know. I mean, they waited until I was in the building to pull what they pulled. Once bitten twice shy...as that saying and song goes...Ugh, I don't like that song. But I know that once I get the training under my belt again and get re-familiar with all the apps, things should start to calm down. Everything else should settle down and I can get back to where I was a year ago...except with a repaired mitral valve and re-routed arteries...along with a much stronger and a more healthy heart. These jitters are going to be with me until 1:30pm Monday afternoon. Oh, come on weekend. I've got to get myself to Monday!!!
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Well, I went through my bags from the game. I have many cards with perfume sprayed on them, a few cards with mini spray bottles attached and various coupons and flyers. And the perfume revenge has kicked in: my nose won't stop running. It's running both frontways and backways down my throat. Then it also just clogs up on one side. I took some nighttime cold pills and I hope that they kick in soon. At least take the pressure off of my head and make me sleepy.
My shoulders don't feel or seem so tense since I got the chair massage. That should help me sleep better too.
Thinking back on tonight...ok, or technically, last night...when I was standing on the base line looking up at the crowd, holding up the Go Red Stop sign...and hearing the announcer say...Attention, I would like to bring your attention to the survivors of heart disease, stroke...and at that point, I don't remember what else he said. I heard lots of clapping and applause from the fans. I almost started crying when he said survivors...Hmm... Survivor. I have to think about that word...I am a survivor. I survived from not being able to get enough oxygen when I was breathing. I survived from having two arteries completely occluded, another being 80% occluded and I don't know how bad the fourth one was because I wasn't told. Survived having a leaky mitral valve, that the injection rate was around 70%, a number that is unhealthy to have. Ok, now the un-serious side kicks in...survived really bad hospital food from two different hospitals! I also say (and for the most part I am joking...but there may be a little truth in it too...) that I am tough. I am a survivor...and I have the scars to prove it.
When I was sitting on that hospital bed when I was in Olathe, knowing that the surgeon wasn't going to do anything...and I had a fear in my head that I didn't have much time left, that the time I did have was fading away...and it seemed and felt like it was just way too soon and wasn't my time to go...not yet anyways...maybe it was the survivor in me fighting back saying, "I'm too tough and I won't allow you to just sit there and do nothing. I'll just speak up and fight back!" Oh, and tell the doctor off in the meantime...because I did do that. Ok, he made me mad and made me feel helpless.
Well, the perfume revenge is still going on. I'm starting to give up on the Nightime Cold Pills. With the job interview and the job offer, I feel like the current chapter is starting to close and a new one's on the verge of starting. I'm also going through a summary of the last 14 months...Just don't ask me to index it...LOL
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Ok, starting on the good news...I got a call from my old employer. The one I had before all this heart mess happened. They wanted me to come in at 9:30 Thursday morning for assessment testing. Alright, I knew I was volunteering at the Royals game too. It's gonna be a very long day!!! But since I already knew what was in store for the assessment and what when on there job-wise, at least before my stuff happened, shouldn't be so bad. I was still a nervous wreck!! I got through the testing. A little different than what I had taken before. Got through the interview. I didn't remember the guy I interviewed with as a supervisor I knew...but he could tell that I was familiar with things there...even though I couldn't remember the names or the acronyms they went by. I was surprised that I remembered what I did remember. Then the wait from the on-staff recruiter. She had to check other things before making me an offer. Waiting for her call was a small torture, but still a torture. Ok, I get to the stadium, get my game ticket, I hear my phone ringing and the ticket I had put in my pocket when flying out. POOF! I was already in the stadium and had my shirt so it wasn't that bad that I didn't have it...I just didn't know what section we were supposed to be in. I knew I was sitting by a person that I really didn't want to sit by anyways...do you think that this person would tell me what section and row she was sitting in?! Ok, I am so trying very hard to keep this blog a family-oriented blog. Venting in the car, no so much family oriented. I was so angry and mad, I absolutely had to go get a chair massage. OMG!!! So worth it!! The massause was shocked how tense my muscles were. She said my neck muscles were like sidewalk. Ok, I have to find a way to work in massages into my budget once the new job is up and running. Too bad my friend Mikki can't get me some kind of discount for friends who are in dire need of massages. Anyways, I got lots of good swag from the game...basically one of the few good things about it. I know that game will end up on ESPN...but really not in a good way. Manager gets kicked out in the 4th inning. I finally found the section I was supposed to be in...just in time to see him yelling at the ump. Then...Royals 5 hits, 5 errors. And watch it...they'll end up getting really good draft choices. You already know they'll find a way to mess that up too. Ok, one bad thing about "swag" night, there were so many fragrance girls from Macy's there...I smell like a French ho house right now. I don't even know what perfume I'm smelling on what part of my hand. I'll still stick to my Red Door though.
Ok, I still need to blog about some other stuff...but I'll leave that for another rant...but it's around the corner. I'm tired and I probably need to take a shower to get rid of all this perfume smell. It's strong. And I have a drug test to do tomorrow. It's so tempting to go celebrate tonight, especially with the way things have been...but that can wait until Friday night. A celebration with me, Gray, and Samantha.
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Ok, I've been very bad lately. I'm at least 3 weeks behind on the BetterU thing. I've been a busy girl, just not busy with my BetterU stuff.
Tomorrow is my 46th birthday and I'm still in a shock that it almost didn't happen this year. I feel like I'm being all dramatic but I know that I'm not. If things hadn't happened in the way that they happened, I wouldn't be typing this. I know that there are some who are tired of hearing my stories. I keep hearing people tell me that "I need to work on my story. I need to tell it in a shorter time." I find myself defending not only myself but I'm defending my story as well. See, this is the thing...I'm still within the first year of all of this happening to me. I'm still in this state of disbelief, of shock. One minute, I'm thinking to myself that I'm healthy, my heart is strong...and then finding out that I'm not healthy, my heart is weak and enlarged, and what I thought was a flu bug was congestive heart failure. The disbelief that everything happening to me was actually happening.
There were so many different feelings going on when everything happened. Feelings of helplessness, being powerless and not being in control, fear, confusion, anger at those who chose not to help me. Fear that my time had run out. The one thing that the others have right now that I currently don't have behind me (yet) is time between the "event" and current time. They have many years behind them of when it all happened for them. It's still very current to me. Of course I'm going to talk more about what happened to me because it hasn't been that long ago. Give me a few years and I know I'll probably talk less about it in time. It makes me wonder if they remember how life shattering this is. I know I'm probably sounding like an excited little kid who has ridden their first roller coaster. I know I forget at times how snobby and rude some people can be and how intolerant some can be.
Ok, I know I'm not the "lone ranger" with this. I know I'm not the only person who has gone through this. Does my story have any "main point" to bring out? Right now, it's a series of events of what happened to me. What I thought was a minor thing ended up being extremely serious and life threatening. Even the doctor was shocked that he thought it was minor at first. He said that I looked healthy walking in to the ER. Could my point be that sometimes you have to speak up and stand up for yourself when others aren't able to speak up for you? That if you know that where you are now is not helping you, you can get yourself in a place that will help you? I guess these could be main points. At some point, I guess I'll figure out what my "story moral" will be. Right now, it's a series of events that I shouldn't have to apologize for. It's my story.
So happy birthday to someone who thought she wasn't going to see anymore birthdays, happy or otherwise.
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Hello again!
Well, I think this is week 4 or 5? I don't remember. Yea, the memory's so shot. Part of that could be all the heart stuff that went on. Someone told me Saturday that it was all the anesthesia. Well, they had me knocked out for a long time...
Getting to Saturday. I volunteered at Oliver's Hair Salon to hand out red dress pins. Not too many were there, but it was so cold!! There were so many things going on that day anyway. Chiefs, Wizards, UFC...a busy day. After volunteering, I was hungry. It was about dinner time anyway. I couldn't decide on barbecue or something else. I decided on a movie instead.
I hadn't been to AMC theaters in a long time. I don't like Dickenson at all. The employees don't care about the theater, it's always dirty. Really poor quality. AMC on the other hand, totally opposite. And OMG!! I ended up going to see Julie & Julia in the Cinema Suites. Ahhh... what an experience. The movie was ok, the pasta I chose for dinner was ok, but the leather lounger, the warm towel they bring you, the little silver buckets of popcorn...Oh, I'm spoiled forever...and the waiter said that I would not want to see another movie in the conventional way again. So right!!
I got out of the movie just in time to get over to JR's Place to see UFC. It wasn't one of the bigger fights, but there's always something going on that's surprising. The fight before, this guy picked the other guy up and banged him on his head. Another guy, after getting hit in his glass jaw, runs out of the stadium before the winner is announced. A few of the fights on Saturday, the guys got knocked out within 30 seconds of being in the ring. Wow!
After the fights was karaoke. Well actually, it was more of a dance party then karaoke. I sang one song. Some of the girls were saying, "Deanna, Deanna, sing with me." That was fun.
Monday night was the karaoke semi-finals. Ugh, I hate karaoke contests. I had forgotten how it brings out the "strange" in some people. I mean, Tim's an ok guy and all but really? The Superman Under roos for your song?! I was embarrassed for him...or for myself. I'm not sure. Anyway, I didn't make the top ten on my song. I kept messing up the words and I know better. It's ok though because the finals are two weeks from now and I don't know if I could deal with another round of that. The usual singers made the top ten, no surprises there. Let them duke it out in the next round. I'm always suspicious about those contests anyways. They promise the big prize and then you find out that they don’t always award what they say they will. A different company used to have those contests all the time. Ended up all it really ended up being was a big recruiting deal for more karaoke DJ/KJs and they would be talked out of the money. I don’t even think that the company is still around anymore. I never hear about them. I just hear about Michelle’s company.Well, on the heart/BetterU thing…I haven’t started that week yet and it’s already Tuesday. I read ahead that it’s supposed to take all week to do this one. I’m not sure what’s in store yet but I guess I’d better start in on it soon. I’ll report back once I get into it.
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Ok, I sort of had good intentions on Tuesday. I woke up really early, too early actually. I was going to start on my week 3. So I started out checking email. I go to lay down on my futon and I feel a strange feeling in my chest. It's really difficult to explain. It wasn't exactly a missed beat and it wasn't exactly a flutter. It just didn't feel normal or regular to me. I know...it's only been 9 months since the surgery. The doctors say that once you have a heart attack, it's not uncommon to have another one within the year. Ok, I'm paranoid. So...I decide to go buy a stethoscope at Walmart. Then I figure...while I'm there, I'll go check my blood pressure. It was 156 over 86 with 110 beats per minute. These are not good numbers!!! I call a nurse help line and they tell me to call 911. Now I'm more than freaking out. I'm scared. The poor 911 dispatcher girl couldn't find my address. My neighbor (whom I had never met before) stuck his head outside his door and said, "That sounds like it is right outside." I said, "It is. It's for me." I could hear him say, "The neighbor's having a heart attack!" Well, I wasn't. I couldn't count how many EMTs were outside for me. They get me to the emergency room and the doctors ran tests. They said the blood sugar is too high and the sodium's too low. Well, I can fix the blood sugar. They had me wear a holter monitor. The monitor was smaller than my insulin pump! But, the one thing the doctors told me, well ok, they told me several things...but they said that I did the right thing by calling 911. They said that it was better to go in with something slight than to not go in at all and it's serious. They said that doubt was the main killer in a heart attack (especially in women) because people will try to convince themselves that the symptoms are nothing or that they will go away if they ignore it. And some people don't want to be embarassed or feel stupid if they go in and it's nothing. Well, I had to agree with the doubt theory because I was doing the same thing when I was going into congestive heart failure in October. So ok...the holter monitor is back at the emergency room to be read and I hate to admit it...but I listened to my heart with the stethoscope before I went to sleep. The ticker's still tickin. And maybe doctors, nurses, and Go Red Community Ambassadors are bad heart patients....NAH!!!
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