Kylie (10) mentioned this morning that she wanted to be an Olympic athlete so of course Layla (4) had to pipe in too. I almost wet myself after she yelled, "I want to be a professional bath tub washer!"

As the program comes to an end, I am sad. These amazing people are a large part of my daily life and even though they have given me the skills to be successful moving forward on my own with Multiple Sclerosis, I will very much miss their company along the way. I need them each to know that their support and friendships have affected my life on a deeper level. So, how do I expect to thank these people who have truly changed my future and asked for absolutely nothing in return? Words, cards, flowers, even homemade baked goods all seem insufficient in these final moments. I pay it forward by helping someone else. I am confident that this is exactly what they would all want me to do.

To Flourish! Magazine, Sheridan, Mika, Rebecca and Shawnee Mission Medical Center,

Thank you for creating this opportunity. It has been a phenomenal experience and you have started many doors opening for future opportunities. I am living a healthier, stronger life today because of your admirable generosity.

To Gary, Leslie, Mary Lynn, Rennie, Barb, Dr.Foos, Lauren, Julie, Sunlight Day Spa and Travel Concepts…Thank you. Each one of you has given me priceless gifts that I will never forget and can’t wait to share with others in my life.

Signing off one more time, Karen 

The seven months before the Transformation program started, I was doing my best to hold it together but it is terrifying being diagnosed with a chronic illness. I was very sick and had some moments that I wish the kids had not witnessed. Needless to say, this has been a highly emotional process for me and that obviously affected our entire family. In our time together, Rennie has helped me to “be prepared” mentally to accept a chronic illness into my life. She has opened my mind to positive ways of dealing with the anger, panic and anxiety that come with each new attack. She has been an incredible mentor to get to know my story and guide me along the way. I have learned a lot about myself and Rennies friendship has been a huge piece of my success.

While I am mentally prepared to fight MS, it is just as important to combat this complex disease with physical strength too. Progress in the gym has been phenomenal. I have gained body strength surprisingly quickly. For the first time in my life, I have muscle definition. The spasms at the base of my neck that were leaving my left arm and face paralyzed have stopped completely. The neurologist says I am officially cleared to stay off the anti seizure meds. I am so relieved. The gym shoes are permanently out of the closet. Several months ago, I was dragging my legs behind me and I couldn’t do stairs without Andy’s shoulder to lean on. I have graduated from an exhausting fifteen minute warm up to an easy 5 mile run. Clearly my body is stronger, healthier and ready to fight after this eight week boot camp with Sergeant Gary.

Being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis so far has been something like being a virgin rider on an uncontrollable rollercoaster. There are so many ups, downs, and loop de loops that you never know what to expect. I have to live by the Boy Scout motto to be prepared. It is some darn good advice when your body can literally stop working with no red flag warnings required. It takes some time to get used to having no control and there are certainly still moments I find myself desperately searching for the chicken exit. I have made amazing progress in this Transformation program. It has been such an unbelievable blessing to have had this health care team by my side through early diagnoses. I truly do not know where I would be today or in the future without the support of this program, my family and friends. In just a few weeks with this incredible Team, I have transformed from an anxious newly diagnosed patient to a strong woman on a healthful track.

Thank you for the kind words, support and positive energy. I really enjoy reading everyone's comments and I am truely touched by how many of you are taking the time to check up on our family. Please, please don't be shy. Writting is very theraputic for me, but my relationships with all of you are what I build strength from each day.

Feeling super blessed today, Karen 

And…my best friend Aimee had a baby girl this morning. Matt, Aimee and Braiden welcome into this wonderful world Reese Mariah Kern. Congratulations!!

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

10:00am: Trained with Gary in the gym. We are working hard to make me stronger, keep each other motivated and get me in shape for a bikini in Mexico! Let's not be shy, buttocks are very important. Thanks to Gary’s strength building program, I have noticed a significant decrease in the reoccurring spasms effecting my neck and shoulders.  Phew, no anti-seizure meds for me!

11:15am: Rennie always gets an earful but she listens like a big sister and always has some great advice. I find myself referring back to our conversations often and I am a little freaked out that our sessions are coming to a close soon. She has helped me to deal with everything from being diagnosed to parenting a 4 year old child.  I am thankful for her wise perspective and that she is sharing it with me.

12:15pm: Took an autographed Maxine poster (My dad is the creator of Hallmark's Maxine) to a completely un expecting lady who works in Balance and Vestibular Therapy. I kept noticing her Maxine water cooler as I passed her office on my way to the locker room. Thought she might be a fan and it felt really good to brighten a stranger's day. The plus is that she is no longer a stranger and now I can say hello to Vicki as I pass her door.

I had to burn some time until my appointment with Barb so I went to the Library and got two books: The Sensitive Gourmet, Imaginative Cooking without Dairy, Wheat or Gluten by Antoinette Savill and More From the Gluten-Free Gourmet by Bette Hagman. I will let you know if there are any great culinary discoveries to share after I read them.

2:00: Shared the books with Barb, discussed my horribly fatigued weekend and why I desperately need to start a food dairy. We also had a great conversation about inpatient nutrition, hospital menus and educating newly diagnosed patients about the effects of diet on disease. I have some very strong feelings about the importance of this subject and get a deep feeling that this is the direction my path is leading...

It was a great day! Thanks everyone. Karen

I am sitting at the library (in between appointments at the hospital today) trying to figure out how to manage all my daily tasks and have more free time to write. As a matter of fact, I would love to figure out how to make a living out of writing. 

A new year. Thank goodness. Let's all pray for a peaceful 2010. Saturday I had my first microderm abrasion with Lauren at the spa. I had immediate results with no irritation so that was great. I look younger already. Yesterday (Monday) I meet with Dr.Foos and got my results back from the blood tests. Both Dr.Foos and Barb (the dietician) were impressed with my cholesterol being so good. Too bad we don't have those numbers from four months and 40 pounds ago...that would have been interesting. They ran a food allergy test for several items none of which came back with a positive. That is good but suprising. The thought is that I may have more food sensitivity then an actual allergy to those items. My vitamin D level was slightly low so I will work to bring that up in the next few months. Everything else looked great! I had a rough day yesterday with a massive headache and lots of leg pain. I still get panicky when symptoms appear in fear that I am about to have another major attack. Thank goodness when I woke up today I felt good. This morning I arrived early to the gym and did an extra 30 minutes on the eliptical for cardio. Gary is pushing me to increase my weight on the machines and I am actually impressed with how much I can handle. Gary says I am getting strong. Watch out! Rennie and I focused on some relaxation techniques today which I have definately needed recently. That was great however I lost feeling in my left arm as we were doing it. This is a daily occurance lately which if it continues will require anti seizure meds. I do not want to start treating every symptom that comes along or I might be a walking pharmacy in the end. Luckily the nuerologist agrees. Barb and I discussed the test results and supplements today also. She hooked me up with the KC Chapter of the Celiac Sprue Association. (gluten free people) I am still working on getting you updated on a simple definition of MS, why I choose not to be on the DMT treatments and what I am doing with diet and nutrition. I think I'll add some photos too so check back soon! Karen

Christmas is a time to remember how far we've travelled, and to appreciate those who share the journey with us. Merry Holidays to All!!

What an amazing experience. I am having a hard time putting into words how grateful I really am. I started the program on Monday last week with Gary (my personal trainer) in the gym. He introduced me to all the shoulder and upper body equiptment and gave me a general plan for my workouts. I went back on Thursday and worked out on my own. Leslie, Gary's manager, was kind enough to provide me with an extended membership and 24 hour access to the facility. After my Monday workout with Gary, I spilled my guts to Rennie (my health and wellness coach). That was a great experience for me and I felt incredible leaving the hospital that day. Yesterday I met for the first time with Dr.Foos, my family physician, and she was likewise wonderful. Dr.Foos did a general checkup and we talked about what test were already run at the hospital in May and what labs we still needed to run. She was able to put my mind at ease about taking medication for pain management which was a big deal to me. This morning I met again with Gary in the gym and worked on leg strength training, back end firming and how to fall safely. I am having some major problems with my coordination and have recently taken some big spills so that was a key lesson. Rennie met me after my workout and we dove into more conversation about my process of dealing with all of this emotionally. I honestly did not anticipate how much I needed Rennie or how much I would enjoy my time with her. Tomorrow I will be having my first meeting with my dietitian, Barb Marsh. I am very excited for this meeting because I am looking forward to getting a plan together for what vitamins and supplements my body needs. I know I am eating extremely well to eliminate any food allergy triggers for MS but I have not been great about eating enough of the healing foods. Barb will be a great resource for my future health plans. That brings us to Thursday which I think I may have off. Happy Birthday Dad!! Friday morning is my follow up appointment with Dr.Foos and Friday afternoon I see my neurologist again. Friday is also Layla's 4th birthday. Happy Birthday Layla! I want to thank Flourish! Magazine and the team once again. I appreciate their individual talents and generosity. They are all truely a blessing in my life.

It was late March just after Spring Break this year when everything started to happen. My husband Andy and I had taken our two girls to Omaha, Nebraska to visit friends.  I remember my first “that’s strange” moment happened as we were standing at the zoo by the seal exhibit staring up the hill at the elephants. It just seemed like it was miles and miles away. I felt completely exhausted in a way I had never felt before.  It seemed a little strange and I whined about having to walk so far but went along anyway. When we went back to the hotel that evening, we went down to the pool.  I enjoyed the hot tub only for a few minutes before I started to feel like I could pass out.  Looking back now and knowing all the disease triggers, I realize that I never should have gotten into that hot tub. It may have been just the thing the disease in my body needed to wage its first major attack. It’s a long story so I’ll give you the next months on fast forward…We got home and a few days later I was cleaning the house and my right leg started to go numb.  I mentioned it to Andy and we decided I must have pulled a muscle in my back. I went back to cleaning and did not make much of it. The next morning both legs were numb from toe to tummy. I was immediately concerned but didn’t want to overreact either. (At this point you should know that my husband lost his job in January and due to a series of other events, we have no health insurance.) The first doctor, an old school dinosaur by the way, ran some tests. His diagnoses went something like this. You hurt your back. It’s nothing major. Just go home and take these pain killers. If it isn’t any better in a few days we should do some x rays on your back.  I let a few painful, anxious days go by before the numbness started to grow up into my abdomen and rib cage. Andy took me for x rays at the chiropractor. After reviewing my x rays and other tests, the chiropractor says there is nothing major going on but there are a few areas of miss alignment that could be causing the issues with numbness.  I chose to move forward with his treatment plan thinking doctor number one was right and it was just my back.  I think for the first few weeks of treatment the chiropractor must have thought I was crazy. I had never been hurt enough to take me out of commission and I had no idea how to deal with it. I reported every little change just in case.  After a few weeks, there was only slow progress with the legs and numbness.  I started to get anxious again and decided I needed another opinion.  Doctor number three asked a bunch of questions and ran minimal tests to confirm it was just my back. She then gave me a muscle relaxer and a strong anti-inflammatory drug.  I went back to my chiropractor and continued treatment.  Some time passed and the numbness started to release my body and eventually my legs.  I was actually very chipper the morning of the day that I landed in the ER. My legs were recovering and I felt almost normal again. I strutted into the chiropractor’s office and announced my happy news. I could run a marathon today and I would be almost 100% if my eye wasn’t driving me crazy the past couple days. (There was a strange blind-blurry spot in my right eye.)  Since the eyes were not his specialty and I think at this point he had a sneaking suspicion this was not just my back, the chiropractor sent me to an eye center to have more tests. I failed the field of vision test miserably in my right eye and before I knew it was off to the ER with the diagnosis of a brain tumor.  (I would like to say this. If you are a doctor, please do not tell a patient they have a brain tumor while they sit in your office all alone. They might need some support to hear that news. Thanks, Karen)

Andy took me to the ER and my dad met us there. It wasn’t long before I was strapped into the MRI but it seemed like forever before the ER doctor came back with any results. The good news was it was NOT a brain tumor. I felt relieved. The bad news was that it was most likely Multiple Sclerosis.  I was in the hospital for a few days. I held it together through 3 different MRI’s, a spinal tap that went bad and resulted in a blood patch that went bad and resulted in my first experience with the thoughts that I might die. There were also seven days of high dose steroids and two miss scheduled neurologists. I was not well informed about the effects of high dose steroids on your body and emotions. I lost quite a bit of hair and I cried a lot. Waking up in the morning alone in a hospital bed was the worst.  I was thankful though that maybe I was getting closer to some real answers.

What I ‘m working on sharing next…What is Multiple Sclerosis, why I chose not to be on the DMT treatments for the first year, what I am doing with diet and nutrition, why I entered the contest and my first days in the program.

I feel the need to start with this…I am not a doctor or a nurse; nor I am medically trained in way, shape or form. Everything I mention or suggest in my journals is information gathered from speaking to doctors and nurses, research and reading on the internet, in magazines, books and talking with other people living with Multiple Sclerosis. When I was diagnosed, my immediate reaction was to learn as much as I could about this mysterious disease and figure out how that applied to my situation. Knowledge is power in my mind.  I am happy to share my story with you and everything I feel is working for me.  Please share with others affected by chronic disease keeping in mind I am not a medical professional and you should always check with your trained health care providers before trying anything new in your health care plans…

It must have been a tough decision. I know there are plenty of well deserving candidates out there struggling with life in one way or another. Sheridan called early the morning of October 30th to let me know the news. I had been selected for this amazing life transformation journey and for the next eight weeks will be blessed with the knowledge of a professional health care team from Shawnee Mission Medical Center. I will also be treated at Sunlight Day Spa and rewarded with a four night luxury stay at Secrets Resort in Mexico. I cried. I am thankful, overwhelmed, humbled, honored and most of all hopeful. This opportunity can only bring positive changes at a crucial time in my diagnosis. Please join me on this journey. I promise to be honest and open; sharing the story as it happens. My hopes are that we can all learn together more about Multiple Sclerosis, what it is to live with a chronic illness, to deal emotionally with a diagnosis and what happens when we choose to treat illness with exercise, diet and nutrition instead of drugs. Away we go...Karen